Thursday, April 2, 2009

Maintaining friendships

I'm wondering. Do any of you have a hard time maintaining friendships? I feel like keeping friends is even harder than maintaining a marriage. It's so hard for me to have close relationships with people. I hate using the phone...I'm much more of an emailer and a texter. Talking isn't something I'm good at. So, I don't end up calling people to ask them to hang out with me, because I am afraid of an awkward phone conversation. And in return, no one ever calls me. I love all my friends dearly, but I feel like I don't have any reallly close friends that I can rely on. I love to go hang out with the girls, but it's like a once every month or two thing. I don't have a "BFF" that I can call to hang out with at any time...no one that I can invite to any event and know that they will come with me. I end up hanging out with my husband and his friends all the time (which is totally fine...I love them...but I would so love to have a girl friend too, ya know?) and it makes me a little depressed sometimes.

How do you maintain your relationships with other people? I feel like pretty much everyone I am friends with has one or more close friends that they always hang out with, and I just don't know how to get to that point! Any ideas? Suggestions? Any advice would be helpful! :)

7 comments:

Kat Graz said...

I totally understand. I feel the same way most of the time. It seems all of my VERY close friends live all over the country now. After college we all started to move for jobs and families. I also live in a place I am not from so family is out of town also. I do have one close friend who I see a lot but still it's not the same as what I see other people have with multiple groups of girlfriends. It seems that many of the girls I do know that have tons of friends close to them grew up in that town or area. This is not to say I don't have friends I do - many of which are men and also many that were my husbands friends first.

Sorry I am not much help- Let me know what you figure out.

zebe912 said...

I feel for you. I could've written that post. Except in my case, I don't have girls to hang out with even once per month. My husband doesn't have friends either, nor do we have any mutual friends, so we really only have each other. He doesn't like to go out, so I end up at home. I crave socializing even though I'm shy, but I have a really really hard time finding & making new friends. Lately, I feel like I have a hard time keeping old ones. I don't like the phone either, or utilize it well. I keep trying on my end, and I do get very frustrated when there's very little return. But the alternative is to just give up and have no contact with anyone at all and I know I'll be more miserable that way. Too bad we don't live closer (like only one state apart :-) ) I'd hang out with you!!

Alanna said...

Yes...I miss the good old highschool days, when I always had my girls, and we were always spending time together, and I automatically had a friend to invite to a party, etc. I think a lot of it is because I moved out of state when I joined the military, and since I've stayed here, a lot of friends I made in the military have moved back home. I don't have any of my lifetime friends anywhere near me know. It seems that the older you get, the harder it is to make new friends!

iambellaluna said...

I think this is much more common than people realize. I have the same issue. Once I quite my job at Lifetime I basically lost all my girlfriends. I used to hear from them every now and again but as they years pass (it's already been 3 yrs.) I hear from them less and less.

This is also compounded by the factor that I quit my University after my sophomore year and a lot of the girls I hung out with still hang out til this day. But not me. I'm all but forgotten.

And all the friends I do have now, are people I met through my husband and his friends. My two girls I talk to on a semi-regular is my husband's friend's wife & my husband's friend's sister.

Matt & Heather are our "married" couple that we do things with regularly as a foursome (not dirty things either, ahem). After being introduced to them and hanging out for almost 2 years me and Heather finally just said, screw hanging with the men, let's hang out by ourselves & shop or play bingo.

Now we text about everyother day and she's probably my closest girlfriend that I haven't know for my whole life (like Kelly--I've known her for over 10 years and we don't talk even on a monthly basis yet we're still friends?). We do a lot more things when it's hunting season b/c both our husbands are crazy outdoorsmen and abandon us about every weekend during the fall.

As for my friend Megan, she is the sister of my hubby's close friend from around our cabin. We hang out with a lot of people from where our cabin is. Most of the people grew up there & now live down here, but visit their families on a regular basis. I know their family VERY well. We go over to their mom's house a lot and I've hung out with Danny and Megan on a very regular basis. But it wasn't til years later that me and Megan finally hung out by ourselves.

I think it takes a while. At least for me to establish friendships with people I meet in groups. Especially people that are friends of my husband. I remember being so cautious & nervous meeting everyone for the first time while we were only dating. Then after just hanging out for a long time in groups, you just sort of get to know eachother and are more comfortable to finally be like "hey, let's do something on Saturday, just us...girl things."

I'm not a social butterfly and definitley prefer to text. So you have to meet the unique kind of girl that fits your patterns. I don't talk on the phone to anyone but Adam and my mom on a daily basis.

I also HATE HATE drama (that eliminates quite a few girls). Danny's girlfriend hates me and his sister Megan so that only furthurs our bond. I have tried to hang out with Witney on a lone basis but I always knew there was sumthin' up on her end. Later I found out what from Megan. Thus she will only ever be an aquaintance...we've both (me and Witney) acknowledged...since we see eachother on a regular basis.

I'm not sure if this novel of a comment will help you but that's what worked with me. I, by no means, have the sort of girl relationship you see on Sex & The City or in movies. Or that I used to have when I worked at Lifetime. It's hard to meet people. I won't lie. Especially since I met a lot of people through work & I currently work in a senior citizens home (well not really but all the peeps here are way out of my age range/stage of life).

All this to say, good luck AL, you are NOT alone. Hopefully something I wrote down will help?! As always, you can always e-mail me! Or text ;)

DoingItRight said...

I totally understand. it just seems since college everyone has moved to different areas and keeping in touch just seems to get harder. When I moved back home I hung out with my best friend from high school all the time, but then in November her boyfriend moved in with her and I have seen her once since. Anytime that we have plans he always whines until she cancels. Sometime I just wonder if it is really worth it. I really want a great group of girls to hangout and do fun stuff with.

Alanna said...

Thanks, girls! It's good to know that I'm not alone, and this is more common than I assumed. :)

Julie said...

I could have written this post too, I've actually been pondering for a few days what to even comment... what is there to say? Unfortunately I think that as others have stated, as we get older it gets harder and harder to make friends.

In the area I really only have one close "girlfriend" and we do try to hang out on a regular basis. It's funny though because we met through our husbands, and now I think we are closer than our husbands ever were, which is great.

It's just hard with people moving so far away... I have friends all over the country, and while I try to keep in touch, it just gets harder as life gets busier... all in all my own comment is depressing me, but I think it is a two-way street. If a friend is worth keeping in touch with, they're going to be trying to keep in touch with you too... after a while when they don't, I tend to cut my losses, because I think there does come a point when it just isn't worth it anymore.

PHEW!

Sorry this is so long, but just know that YOU ARE NOT ALONG IN THIS!! I wish we lived closer!