Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Feeling Disgruntled

Sorry for so many downer posts lately, but I am in such a funk lately, and can't figure out how to get out of it. I'm hoping maybe some of my readers can offer me some advice! As you may remember from my recent post, this all started off about two weeks ago, when I got scolded at work. I really felt that it was unfair, and though I later decided that I wasn't as blameless as I felt, and that I should just take it for what it was, and take note and improve my performance. But since then, I've just felt really down and blah and icky and unhappy and upset and all sorts of other synonyms. The issue at work led to other thoughts - fear that I won't ever get a pay increase. Fear that I am going to be unhappy in my career for the rest of my life. Fear that I will never climb the corporate ladder, so to speak. (Although I HATE corporations, and really don't want to work in a corporate environment.) This has led me to be very anxious about wanting to progress in life - to buy a home, to have a baby, to start a business in which I can work more for myself and more from my own home. I know all these are long-term goals, but when I am currently unhappy, it's so hard to see them as FUTURE goals, and not things that I want ASAP. I am feeling really down and depressed that we have not heard back on the house we made an offer on. I am also depressed that no new houses in our price range/desired neighborhoods have been available in the past 3 weeks. I am so afraid that we won't find something before the market starts going back up again, and we can no longer afford a home. I am afraid that by the time we ever buy a house, I will be well into my 30's, and we will start having problems conceiving a child once we are ready for that step.

Basically, I feel like nothing is going right, and I want to cry all the time...I am always depressed about all these things and I can't stop stressing about them. I have not been feeling well - my stomach has been feeling weird, I've been tired, I've been achy, I just don't feel RIGHT. I'm constantly wanting to snack (although I don't because I'm trying so hard to diet), probably just because I'm depressed. I know so many pregnant girls right now that I can't help but think "maybe I'm pregnant" but I know that it's VERY unlikely (we do take precautions about these things!) but this is just another thing for me to obsess and stress over.

I am at my wit's end, really. I can't concentrate on work, I constantly worry from one thing to another. I don't know what to do to get my head back on straight! I'm not usually like this. I have had issues with depression a couple of times in my life, but they always pass, and are never a big deal. But I just feel so awful. I don't know how to get over it! Have any of you ever felt like this? What do you do about it?

10 comments:

mrsdanigirl8 said...

Instead of focusing on the big picture I think you need to start focusing on one thing at a time. Whatever is most important to you now. And than try to shove everything else aside until you feel you've mastered that one thing.

This is how I handled things. I started with weight loss/getting into shape. I joined a program and had set days where I'd do certain classes at the gym or I'd run with friends. Support from others was key for me. Try to find someone with similar goals so you have a buddy system.

I am sure others out there share the same concerns and will start to respond to you and let you know that they're struggling too! And don't ever be afraid to ask for help/advise or even just an ear to listen :)

Anonymous said...

I can totally relate to you Alanna and I think it’s great that you are reaching out for advice. I already told you that I am currently in this same situation. I have a couple ideas:
• Try not to compare your situation with others. Everyone is different and it’s so easy to look at where others are and stress yourself out about why you are not there yet. You and Mike will find that perfect house and have adorable little babies sooner or later.
• And if you have to compare yourself to others… then look at all the people out there that are in worse situations then you. You are beautiful, skinny, healthy, have a job and Mike. Oh and you are a super talented both artistically and in the baking department.
• Look at ways to address items that are stressing you out. If you think that you might have trouble moving up the corporate ladder then what is something that you can do to improve your skills and give you a better edge?
• Write down the way that you feel and what is bothering you. It helps :)
• Take a day to really think about what is bothering you and let yourself be in a funk for the day…
• Then take it day by day, making a effort to try not to think the funkiness but concentrate on something positive
• Use your support system and keep yourself busy
• I think this may call for a happy hour or Extraordinary Dessert GTG this weekend… We can spend the 1st half of the time complaining with each other and then the 2nd half in prep talks.
Molly

Alanna said...

Thanks, girls. :) It's helpful when I feel like this to know that I have such good friends who can relate to my craziness! <3

Rachel said...

Get your thyroid checked!

That said, I'm sorry you've been feeling this way. I went through a bit of the same feelings about a year ago and went to therapist. It was the best thing I ever did for myself. I really think you should have some bloodwork done. It's amazing how a tiny little hormone or chemical change can make us feel totally different.

HUGS!

zebe912 said...

I'm sorry you're feeling so yucky. Your thoughts mirror exactly how my mind works at least 75% of the time. It is really hard to reign it in once you get going. There is a LOT going on right now and the economy definitely isn't helping any of us to feel secure & happy. I totally hear you on that part. It is scary, especially with wanting to time things just right to take advantage of interest rates, home prices etc.

PP's have already covered some cognitive tactics, but one thing that has helped me with my anxiety and depression is taking 1.5 tsp of codliver oil every day. The omega-3's can really help get your brain firing on all cylinders. My Dr recommends Nordic Naturals brand. I usually pour my oil into about 1/4 cup of fruit juice & chug it. That way I don't taste it at all.

Rachel's suggestions are good too for getting a medical baseline. Alternative practitioners can help a ton in this area too if you want some assistance getting over the initial hurdles, but without medication or the like.

Tessa said...

I was going to say exactly what Rachel suggested, go to your doctor and just get a blood test to rule anything medical out. You never know!

Also, didn't you recently turn 30?? I know this sounds crazy, but around 30 is when I really started looking at my life differently. Most of my friends were married, had kids, and were pretty set in their careers. Myself on the other hand, well, I was doing none of those things. I don't know a lot of your friends, but of the ones I do know there has been a lot of house buying and baby making ;) As much as we shouldn't, sometimes it's hard not to compare ourselves with our friends and what's going on in our lives. Dani's right, try not to look at the big picture so much because it can get quite overwhelming. You guys will fine the perfect house/condo for you when the time is right and everything else will fall into place. It always helps me to talk things out, so feel free to call anytime ;)

xoxoxoxoxo

Alanna said...

Thanks so much, girls. :) You are all the best! :) I actually talked it all out with Mike last night, and you are right, Tessa....it does help to talk it out. I think I have a little bit better view of things now - I just have to keep on taking things one step at a time!

CB said...

You already got some great advice. Just wanted leave you a comment and say you aren't alone. I am glad you talked things out with Mike so you don't feel you have to deal with these feelings by yourself. That's alot to put on your shoulders at once! Take one day at a time, one goal at a time. I use to stress about the big picture and it doesn't help. Now I am just focused on making reachable goals so that I feel like I am making progress. Slowly but surely we'll get our homes chica! ((HUGS + LOVE))
/Clara

Alanna said...

Thanks, girl!!! :)

Off topic...and I'm sure I'm just WAAAAAYY slow, but is your profile pic any relation to the "Twilight" book cover?

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